I mean, yeah, I can still go to the beach with the baby of course. But it is now a much bigger production to go to the beach now. Pack all the gears, the baby food, the milk, diapers, towels, more towels, extra cup for the baby. lotion, etc etc. And yeah, the baby. So many times, I decide to just do other things.
But yesterday we made it to the beach. Me and my little prince Kainoa. It was the best sunset watching experience I can remember. I did not have a camera yesterday but I think yesterday will always be etched in my heart and memory for as long as I live.
Just thinking about it now is making me cry. Picture this. The glorious and majestic orange sun perched right there where the sea and the sky touches in the horizon. Shimmering ocean water with blue, pink, purple, orange, and yellow lights dancing on it. Soft waves going back and forth, kissing the soft, sugar like cream sand where two sets of our footprints are walking side by side.
Kids are laughing in the background, birds flying around, people huddled close to each other in their beach towels, some in groups, some in solitary units. But I don't see nor hear any of them as I hold Kainoa's tiny soft hands and fingers clasping mine. I know he knew he was safe in my hands. Ahhhh there is no romantic walk I have taken in the past that can match this joy that I felt. None.
He was mine. And I know one day he will be holding some other woman's hands in his. But yesterday while I was holding him I was saying, "You are mine, my little one. Mine. And how I love you so".
I can't help my tears from flowing right now. The gratefulness and the joy that I feel from knowing this. God is so kind and merciful to me. In spite of who I was and am, He has given me this deep joy of having a son who is capable of making me love in a capacity I have never known before. And it is wonderful. So wonderful it makes my heart swell till I almost cannot breathe. And I am so alive.
Wow. I wonder how God must have felt during those times that He felt us close to Him? When we allow Him to hold our little hands in His? For He knows that once in a while, we may stray from Him and hold the "other hand". I'm sure the joy He experiences from such moments with us crosses the realm of our own understanding of what joy is. But one thing I can understand. He must be VERY HAPPY to feel our hands in His and He must be saying, "Today you are mine. All mine".
Join me in my prayer today that we try to create more opportunities for our hands to be always holding God's hands for it gives Him much pleasure.
