It is amazing how a little person can exert so much power over all the big people in the room. The three of us fully grown human beings, standing in awe, watching him, the newly born, move his bowels early in the morning!
Kainoa hasn't pooped in over 48 hours. So when that morning came and all his body signals indicated he was finally going, my husband and I, plus my mother, are all there in the room, towering over his small body laying down on the changing table, cheering him as he grunts the already used up food out of his system.
It is pretty incredible to realize that motherhood indeed shifts everything, including my preconceived notion of what happiness is for me. Lately, happiness has its defining moments for me when my baby burps especially when I know he badly needs one. Or in the above situation seeing him get his poop out after a day or two of not having one. Nirvana is attained when you see your baby smiles after all these bodily internal slugs are flushed out of his system. You find yourself in heaven as you kiss his face as his drool makes its way down his chin. Or welcome the most disagreeable whiff of his early morning diaper deposit because you know your baby feels better because of this disposal.
It has been five months and a week since I gave birth to my first son Kainoa. And for these one hundred sixty three days since I have met him, there still hasn’t been a day I am never filled with so much gratefulness, drowning in bliss, and mesmerized daily how amazing this little beautiful creature that God has bestowed upon us to love and care for. Sometimes I wonder what good we must have done to deserve such a blessing.
It may be 4 or 5 in the morning and I feel like a zombie as I walk into his room one more time to feed him, I get a full jolt back into life as he reaches out to touch my face the first time he sees me. I hardly can remember how my first kiss was like but I know this for sure, my baby’s touch beats any kind of romantic kiss or embrace I have ever experienced!
Oh how his tiny, soft fingers linger on to touch my nose, my cheeks, my eyes. His eyes gaze lovingly into mine and then he smiles. The dam breaks. Tears flow nonstop as I cry like a child, in deep joy and gratefulness for this love I feel from my child. And the love I feel for him.
He reaches out to touch my face. He brings his cheek or the side of his face against mine when I lift him off his crib after being left there for a good while. This kiss. This touch. The romance of a first kiss, or embrace pales in comparison. It is the purest, most real love a woman can ever experience. Nothing, I mean nothing compares.
My baby coos and I hear music. He laughs and all my mother blues induced by my sleep-deprived moods melt away. Even his cries sound sweet to me. I am in love. Helplessly in love with my firstborn son Kainoa and loving every minute of it. And guessing by the way he looks at me every time I get near him, he is helplessly in love with his mommy too!
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